Dreaming Again (It's a Good Sign)

I'm giving a poetry workshop Saturday morning. Why do I do these things to myself? Someone offers something challenging and I say, "Sure, why not?" Then I kick myself a few days later.

I get to talk about poetry in front of high school kids. Then I'm reading in front of a conference for 15 minutes. Why do I do this to myself?? Don't get me wrong; I'm excited, in a way. I get to share some of my enthusiasm for literature with students (hopefully I don't just bore them) and I get a ready-made audience. But I'm shittin' my pants already.

On a less nerve-wracking note, I'm getting a car! Yay!!! My ex back home and I have reached an agreement. So I will be driving a Mazda 6 back from Texas in May. Exciting stuff, huh?

And I'll be reapplying to grad school this winter. Or so I say. I'll need people to stay on my ass about that, cuz I know me. I get all excited about a big idea, then shy away from it when it looms in front of me. But I want this master's so badly, and the Ph.D. after that. I actually miss school. I miss learning. Damn, that sounded nerdy, I know. But I do! I feel like my brain's leaking out of my ears while I'm not in school. I miss the classroom atmosphere, I miss the amazing professors, I miss discussing the books that we've read or each other's short stories--what worked for us and what didn't. The stimulation of it. I thrive off that stuff.

So, here's to hoping that I get into a writing program this time around. Hopefully, next fall, I'll be packing up the car and heading to wherever I'll be studying next, off to work with a group of other aspiring, insecure, bitter writers like myself. Ah, to dream... :)

So, keep dreaming with me, y'all. 2006 is promising big things. It will be a good year. :D Love to you all.

--Joseph