I Feel You, Miranda

As Miranda says to Carrie: "I am so fucked up!"

The more I talk to this person and the more I get to liking him, the more my paranoia grows. It's like a constriction in my throat, like I'm allergic to feelings. I've managed to not feel much for the past six months. I don't know why or how, but this one has managed to change that.

It's the intensity I'm afraid of. I don't just feel; I feel a lot. Once I take a shining to someone, I go from zero to hopeless pretty damn quickly. And I can feel the panic setting in.

Now, he's a lot calmer, which is definitely a plus because Lord knows I need someone to balance out my neurotic self. But, it's also frustrating as hell because it makes me feel even more neurotic and paranoid. He says he's not here to hurt me. And I know it's a sin to make others pay for the sins they themselves didn't commit. But, haven't I been down this road before?

"I am so fucked up!"

The more I like, the more I fear. Our first rendezvous is in the works. I'm worried about how hopeless I'll be after spending time with him. It's a deep, deep plunge, and I'm afraid I won't be able to breathe.