A Quiet Space

I've completed my first week at yet another new job. And (dare I say it?), I think I might actually like this one. So far, so good. I'm a data processor now with a worker's comp insurance company. The work's not bad and the people are great so far. Getting along with my bosses (always vital). And, best of all, they like me, too. They've been impressed with my work and are trying to talk me into staying long-term. My supervisor's already cross-training me to do other miscellaneous things, so its all good thus far. Let's hope it stays that way.

As for long-range plans, I'm realizing I'll have to scale back a bit. Too many things are up in the air for me to make any definite plans. I know I want my own place after the lease here is up in July, but I don't know for sure if that'll be in Austin or San Diego. Lord knows my heart's in Austin, but if I end up liking this job and if they're paying me well by the summer, that'll change things. That also puts my teacher certification plans up in the air because I really want to teach in Austin. And, as far as that goes, I'm worried that if I get into teaching, I'll never go back to school for my master's. Who knows... So many thing to consider. So I've scaled back to day-by-day, see what happens with this job and see if my social life here ever expands. I have till the summer to make any major decisions.

So, my ex from back home is visiting in April. I'm actually looking forward to it. We get along much better now that we're out of a relationship. It was good to see him when I was back in Austin. Our friendship is much more enjoyable without the pressure of being a couple. Who would've guessed we'd have any kind of functional relationship after years of fighting? :p

But for now, I'm enjoying a lazy early Saturday. I love not having anywhere to go or anything to do. Just taking time to lie in bed with my laptop. The cat's curled next to me, enjoying some lazy time of her own. Quiet downtime is always a good thing.

Alone By My Own Hand

I've pushed J away to the point where he can't take it anymore. I say I'm lonely, but I can't let someone in. Is it because of what's happened before or does it run deeper than that? This isn't the first time I've let someone in somewhat only to hold them at bay. The difference here is that this is the first person who's cared so much.

Did I do the right thing? Why do I feel like crap? Still as confused as ever. 2006 hasn't brought any answers yet to old questions.

Drained

So, SO tired. This split shift tat start at seven in the morning is killing me. I've done nothing all week after work but get my tired ass in the bed and watch mindless TV. Not that I'm complaining--Lord knows I've enjoyed every minute of it--but I'm looking forward to having a less demanding job again that leaves me with enough energy for anything besides work during the week.

As for the kids, they're driving me up the wall. I don't know if it's me getting older, but I don't have it in me to do this childcare business anymore. I LOVED it before, but it's getting the best of me now. I'm ready to get into the classroom and teach--get some rugrats to read. This kind of work is just burning me out. I need a more meaningful job if I'm going to keep working with kids.

Anyhow, I've made some headway on the book. Wrote the beginning of a new story last weekend. Been so tired this week that I've had no desire to get to it, but, like most of my writing, it's nagging at me so that I'll have to get back to it soon. Hopefully tonight.

No more news on the homefront. Writing this at work, so can't type long. Have a great weekend, all.

--Joseph

Trudging Along...

So I'm sitting at the computers in my complex's office because my laptop is STILL out of commission. Maybe I can get my brother-in-law to fix it...

The job transition is coming along slowly. I really want an easy job, but I'm afraid of giving up my Monday through Friday schedule. But I guess something's gotta give here. Luckily, my present boss has been great and has worked with me and been very understanding. I get to keep my present pay rate until I leave (I'm intending next Friday as my end date). Hopefully by then, I'll have a nice, little mindless job lined up.

The poetry's running out of steam. I got another one out last night and a few to complete, but I can feel that there aren't many left in me. I need to get back to my book! It's gnawing at my brain, like a bunch of little rats trying to get out. Wow, that was a disturbing analogy. Anyhow, it's that time...

Well, I feel like someone's looking over my shoulder here. So I'm signing off for now. Have a good week, all!

--Joseph

Back in Exile

Well, I'm back in California. I wasn't enthusiastic about leaving Austin again, but at least I made it back alive. I'm making a job change yet again. I've stepped down as Site Supervisor at my current job. I'm subbing around for now, but am looking for something as low-stress as possible as I'm looking at moving back to Austin in May. I miss home far too much. Dunno. A lot up in the air right now, but, as I've said before, 2006 will be a good year. No more of this sad business. I hope everyone's year is off to a good start. Let's get some momentum going.

--Joseph